The House of Food Porn

Monday, July 08, 2024

by Christine Michaels (dined at restaurant in March 2024)

best restaurant Miami

While Miami is known for glistening beaches, upscale restaurants, and even fancy strip clubs one might think a venue with a name like the House of Food Porn is a racy combination of the latter two.

It's not what you think, it's even better.

Nestled in the neighborhood of Little Haiti, a far cry from neighboring upscale downtown Miami, House of Food Porn (HOFP) is a diamond in the rough. Approaching the unpretentious outpost, one rings the doorbell. A cheery hostess greets you and upon entering, you are transported to a dimly lit seductive but alluring concept.

UNIQUE SETTING & LAYOUT

Immediately guests notice an absence of garish decor but instead an elegant theme, in contrast to the suggestive name. The setting is small, intimate, attractive, and elegant. Black and gold damask design wallpaper line the back wall, a crystal chandelier dangling from the centerpiece of sheaths of red chiffon draped across the ceiling evoking a sultan's palace; even the serving dishes and cocktail glasses are hand blown glass by artists in Europe. It's part regal, part faraway lands, and part boudoir.

As one continues to survey the landscape, the U-shape table setting is the next indicator of an interactive experience. While one is not dining with the chef as on a luxury cruise line, the twist is the chef is a hands-on cook. There are no other staff preparing the food. You see him at his kitchen counter from your high-top table. This is a dining experience to have the opportunity to engage in conversation with the chef, hostess and those around you. Ten guests have a private audience with the celebrated chef.

PERSONAL & PERSONALIZED

Name cards in scroll lettering are regally placed in their card holder; Then the hostess, Nicky addresses guests by their names having memorized them (just like any first-class service) and sashays into center court distributing artistically presented plates of food, in one fell swoop, making it look effortless one wonders if she's truly human or a fairy gliding on air.

INTRIGUE

This is not your typical restaurant. There are no menus. Reservations are required and the guest only chooses the number of courses and any cocktails options. With an open mind and adventurous foodie spirit, the guest welcomes the mystery of what he or she will eat (and drink) and is encouraged to take their time savoring flavors and deciphering the ingredients. In my first experience years ago, I used a blindfold. None is needed this time. It would take away from admiring the beautifully curated presentation. The ingredients are masterfully blended that one cannot tell from looks alone what they are about to indulge in.

best dining Miami

ENTERTAINING

Like any great experience, a story emerges. In the beginning the chef unravels his personal journey of becoming a chef and how the "Shushi" roll was conceived. Once the food is served and guests have a chance to take a few bites and offer their guesses, the chef steps into center stage and reveals the ingredients. The guests are often surprised at the combinations and sometimes confess to a dislike for a certain food and are amazed they didn't taste it. Herein lies the genius of a master chef.

It's a whirlwind tour of flavors, cultures all in one roll.

The House of Food Porn checks every box for me with one exception, lack of parking. However, while I would normally discount the restaurant for this fact, the added perks and value of a Membership Program and the restaurant regularly giving back to the community, left me saying, "who cares about parking when you have all this"? Moreso, each couple enjoys a bottle of wine (on top of the cocktails), and it is strongly recommended to take an Uber ride for one's safety.

Decor

Ambiance

Elegant Details & Impressive Presentation

Personal Experience

Mystery

Great Storytelling

Opportunity to interact and talk with the chef and hostess

Opportunity to meet and talk to other guests and make new friends

Elevated Experience

Impeccable service all around from the reservation process to dining experience to post dining

Ideal for singles, couples, and groups

Great Value

Membership program

Gives back to community regularly

LOYALTY

This was my second time dining there since they first opened in 2018. The improvements were notable. I knew I wanted to return with visitors and friends who are true foodies. For their loyalty, repeat guests can now join a VIP membership in the form of a "Passport" and eat free several times a year (for life) depending on the package one purchases along with a bevy of other exclusive perks. What a brilliant idea indeed! I never heard of high-end restaurants offering this. As a huge fan, it only made economic sense to invest in one. But this is not a digital program. It's a physical passport with your photo. Old School. I absolutely love it. That elated feeling when you grab your passport knowing you are going on a trip. In this case to a destination known for savory food, great people and a fun time. Regular visitors to Miami from out of state have purchased it as well. The feeling of inclusiveness and that you have a family that you enjoy spending time with, sharing a meal, stories, and laughing together is the cherry on the top. Oh no wait. There's more!

restaurant loyalty program

GIVING BACK TO THE COMMUNITY

HOFP physically volunteers and gives back to the community. In a nutshell, they discovered many stray cats in Miami, and started to care for them. The effort has evolved into a full-blown nonprofit organization. They created a private sanctuary in Key Largo for the cats, Homeless Kitty Haven Sanctuary. The cost to care for many cats (food, supplies and vet bills), are daunting $30k-$40k a year. Hence the VIP membership program, the Passport program was born. The purchase goes entirely to the nonprofit (an official IRS designated 501c3 organization), and it's a tax write off for the guest. At this point, I could not get out my credit card fast enough. I can now eat for free at HOFP for life (certain restrictions apply), while my investment goes to the care of former homeless cats who will live happily ever after in a spacious white houseboat with plenty of windows for sunshine puddles and viewing birds and nature. It's a win-win.

If truth be told (as we take pride in authentic reviews), Miami is gaining ill fame for expensive restaurants where the food and experience do not live up to the price. Not in this case. House of Food Porn is rightfully the number one upscale dining experience in Miami on both Trip Advisor and Yelp. The magic is performed by only two individuals who pour their heart, soul and sweat into this business.

small business owners restaurant

As a foodie, pet lover and supporter of small businesses, I encourage you to try The House of Food Porn. To receive a 10% discount on your first-time experience, use code: HOFPVIP. Like any premium brand, they rarely offer discounts. Take advantage!!

I hope to see you at one of the HOFP dinners to enjoy a culinary trip around the world, while supporting local, innovative, hard -working, philanthropic small business owners, homeless pets and to make new friends.

CHEERS!

Miami restaurant good experience

HOUSE OF FOOD PORN

197 NW 62nd St

Miami, FL 33150
Only open Thursday-Sunday
Dinner starts at 7pm sharp; arrive early

Note: the rolls are mostly protein from various meat sources. This is not an experience for vegetarians or vegans. However, with much advance notice, single food restrictions such as pork can possibly be arranged. Sauces on top are often spicy but this can be omitted with advance notice.

Also recommend making note in reservation if you are dining for any special occasion.

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